Going out into the unknown is so stressful. Excitement and fear. Tons of preparation, organizing and overthinking - way too much thinking. Pepper spray? Nahhh. Duck tape? Yeahhh. Knit hat? Nahhh (dumb, needed it). Rain coat? Yeahhh (it sure as hell rained - but didn’t use it) A tiny box full: a collection of crystals, locks of hair, a painted walnut shell and other sacred/powerful protection items. Sometimes it seems like I forget to take a full breath when I’m in the planning mode. Trying to make sure I don’t forget anything, details, and all of the minutia of my electronic devices and my piles of paper (honestly scraps of paper and post-its - vital information scribbled on little things). And then I shove it in this ancient smushy cargo bag, so it can all get even more scrambled and unfindable. Why won’t I learn!!?? This is not my first rodeo!? Toss it in the back seat of the truck and off I roll.
In the rolling along of it all - the layers of protection are left in the dust. Just pulling into an unknown gas station feels vulnerable. Maybe that is a female thing? Especially since some friends explained that I might get shot at, people might want to shoot up the crows for fun. Great, now that movie was put in my brain. Pull up to the pump, start fueling up, check the straps on the birds, chains on the trailer connection, and go into the convenience store for a drink. That’s really when the membrane gets pierced - the employees and customers in the convenience store always convene in a group conversation with me. “Those aren’t crows!” “Crows are scavengers, eat flesh,” “Crows are black magic,” “Caw caw means poop.” Lots of questions and opinions. Their minds were set before I walked in the door!!!!! But - once we get going and chat - just through the art of conversation - The Crows Project and the idea of you-me-we spreads. I am learning it is that simple.
As an artist who has been at it my entire life - it finally feels like I finally got on my horse and started to ride.
“To fly we have to have resistance.”
- Maya Lin